In Love With Your Smile
by slashbean
Summary: Sheppard and Lorne strike up an unexpected and insanely adorable romance. WARNING: Slash, NC-17. SERIES: Prequel to "Breathing Room," but able to stand alone.
1. Inappropriate Touching

PART I: Inappropriate Touching

Evan Lorne was still new to Atlantis. He'd heard some pretty foul things about John Sheppard before coming here, but everyone actually on the expedition said the same thing: they trusted him with their lives. The way the military assignments fell, Lorne was second in command on Atlantis, and that put him closer to Sheppard than anyone. Sheppard usually kept to himself and his team, so it surprised Lorne to see the Colonel's gaze lingering on him at more than one briefing.

His third month in, they were preparing a training session for the military personnel. They had talked through the drill, run the paces in slow motion, and were starting to speed things up. Sheppard took his shirt off first and Lorne licked his lips. It was time to test his theory. He removed his shirt too, flexed his pecks, and chuckled to himself as he watched the Colonel try not to drool.

They ran through the drill again, this time improvising a few more pins, holds, and flips. There wasn't an obvious overture of physical attraction, but Lorne suspected that some of the Colonel's accidental crotch grabs might not be accidental. Lorne's sure weren't.

The thought flashed through his mind that he could be wrong about Sheppard. Maybe Lorne was just horny. He hadn't fucked anyone since coming to Atlantis; he was still trying to weed out the gays from the straights. Sheppard did have a reputation as a ladies' man… but then, so did Lorne.

Sheppard dove in with a shoulder and Lorne caught him easily, giving Sheppard's nipple a tweak before spinning him away. They faced off across the mat, Lorne checking to see if his message had been well received. Sheppard looked surprised, delighted, and amused, rubbing his palm over the abused nipple. Lorne grinned at the confirmation, already mentally undressing Sheppard in his head.

Lorne charged forward, chopping left with his arm, but Sheppard broke the sparring rules, twisted him around, and threw him against the wall. Instinctively, Lorne tensed, ready for a fight. The reaction intensified when he felt Sheppard grinding against his butt and pinching his skin. Lorne flushed with excitement, then his stomach knotted with anger. He had to remind himself that he'd started this. He'd had a few fuck buddies since joining the SGC, but they were always civilians. None could fight him like this, and Lorne found he didn't like being pinned. With a snarl, Lorne threw Sheppard flat on the mat and jumped on top. Sheppard half-grinned, half-sneered, then licked his lips invitingly.

With a smirk, Lorne dipped his head, crushing their lips together. The kiss was hot and brief. He felt Sheppard's tongue on his lips

Then suddenly, Lorne was launched over Sheppard's head. He landed flat on his back with Sheppard's foot square on his chest. Sheppard panted hard, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, spitting and swearing.

"Colonel?" Lorne said. They shouldn't have done this in public. Sheppard probably knew something about the security video feed in this room that he didn't. Although, the more the other man swore, the more Lorne knew he'd made a more serious error than that. "Sir, I—"

"Don't you ever do that again," Sheppard growled. He sounded angry and disgusted.

Lorne cringed. "Yes, sir."

Sheppard grabbed his shirt and towel from the bench and stalked out of the room. When the men arrived for the training session, Lorne made a lame excuse for Sheppard's absence, and taught the session on his own. He tried to enjoy it; he figured that by the end of the day, he'd be booted out of the Stargate program… and maybe the military too.

-ooo-

Lorne's room only had one chair. Despite all his tactical training telling him to have it facing into the room, preferably with adequate view of the door, he kept it by the window, facing out to look over the water. The view on Atlantis was spectacular and couldn't imagine it'd ever get old.

_What were you thinking, kissing a CO? _He'd fucked up royally. He had never made the first move before, but somehow, Sheppard had lured him into a false sense of security. Maybe it was a set-up. Maybe he was being paranoid. All he knew was that he'd screwed up the only good thing he had in his life, and he'd probably never get to walk through the Stargate again. He'd finished the training an hour ago, showered off quickly, and when he'd stopped by the control room, Sheppard and Weir were talking. Probably about how the hell they were going to get him off the base. Daedalus was scheduled to leave for Earth in a few weeks. _What were you thinking?_

The door chimed and Lorne jumped. He was still getting used to that sound. Smoothing his uniform, he locked away his emotions, prepared to put on a pleasant face if it was someone inviting him to play volleyball or grab a coffee. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming here. But it was Sheppard. Lorne's fake smile vanished.

"We need to talk," Sheppard said seriously.

"Of course." Lorne stepped aside, letting the Colonel in. He wondered if that was the appropriate course of action, given the nature of his crimes, but he wanted to talk in private. He was prepared to grovel.

"If there's a formal reprimand, I beg you not to put the details in my file. Please," Lorne gushed. It would be bad enough being booted out of Atlantis, but if anyone found out why, he'd die of shame. "I completely misread the situation. I shouldn't—"

"You didn't misread entirely," Sheppard interrupted. As soon as the door had closed behind him, Sheppard's confident air dissipated. Now he looked shy and uncertain. He jutted his chin and smirked, but failed to pull off the 'smart ass' look he was going for. "Considering the amount of inappropriate touching leading up to that… moment… you're just as entitled to file charges against me."

Lorne stared at him, confused and amazed. He sank onto the bed, letting the truth sink in. He hadn't imagined Sheppard's interest. And he wasn't leaving Atlantis!

"It may have been inappropriate, but it wasn't unwelcome," Lorne commented, testing to see how much he'd overstepped.

"Yeah, I got that by the… thing," Sheppard mumbled shyly, touching his lips.

Lorne stifled a laugh. "I kinda figured a kiss was an invitation to even more inappropriate touching."

"Well, I don't kiss," Sheppard snapped. He glared, then turned to the window, then crossed his arms, unable to settle on a single strong move to accentuate his point. "One too many alien… never mind."

Lorne crossed his legs and rubbed his jaw, appraising Sheppard, finding his shyness adorable. "Would you rather skip straight to a blow job?"

"God, yes," Sheppard said, sitting on the bed next to him, then jumping up immediately. His ears turned bright red and he ran his hand through his hair. "I mean… you're a subordinate, so—"

"It's just a friendly offer, no strings. If you ever get an itch," Lorne said casually, leaning back on his hands, amused. He rolled his hips subtly, watching Sheppard's gaze wander over his crotch. Sheppard stared at him, aghast, as though he'd never been offered casual sex before. Lorne smiled disarmingly, and decided to keep teasing and see how red Sheppard's cheeks would get. "You don't have any STDs or alien parasites do you? I was fucking this guy once, and I had a dream where this Goa'uld came out of his dick. I could never suck him off after that."

Sheppard's eyes went wide, and his face was pale, save for the bright red flush on his neck and cheeks. "No, I'm Goa'uld free. Wraith bug free. Not currently possessed by any alien consciousnesses, that I'm aware of. Clean bill of health."

Licking his lips, Lorne let his gaze wander lustily over Sheppard's body. "Bet I can suck you off in less than ten minutes."

Sheppard's body rippled with tension at the open attention, his gaze flickering more discretely over Lorne's body. He backed away from the bed, never breaking eye contact, and Lorne figured he owed Sheppard another apology.

Then Sheppard dropped into a fighting stance and grinned ear to ear. "You have to catch me first."

-ooo-


	2. Keeping Score

PART II: Keeping Score

John Sheppard had never been blown by a man before. He'd known since high school that he was bi, but he'd never met a man that truly turned his head, until Lorne. There was something about the way Lorne smiled at him—Sheppard would do anything to keep that man smiling at him.

The wrestling match was filled with smiles and laughter. Now that they were in private, they didn't have to sensor their touch. Sheppard made the mistake of shoving a hand down Lorne's pants without loosening the belt first, and his hand got stuck. Suddenly, he found himself tipped over Lorne's shoulder with his own pants at his thighs and Sheppard could not stop laughing.

He stroked Lorne's cock, getting used to the feel of it in his hand. There was nothing wet or soft, like with women. Lorne was hard everywhere, and it made Sheppard grumble with pleasure.

Lorne smacked Sheppard's ass, then tossed him on the bed, jumping on top of him playfully. Sheppard was laughing too hard to fight back. He gasped with pleasure as Lorne bit his nipples through his shirt, then nipped playfully all the way down to his hips. Lorne licked the underside of Sheppard's cock, from base to tip, and Sheppard groaned through the laughter. Biting his lip, he watched with delight, thrusting into Lorne's mouth. Lorne seemed to control Sheppard's motions with the tip of his tongue more than the strength of his hands, and true to his word, Lorne had him coming within ten minutes.

Sheppard fell back against the pillows, gasping, laughing, and convulsing with orgasm. He could not believe he'd just been sucked off by a man. Under his command! He'd be in so much shit if anyone in the Air Force found out, but in his experience, his dick never cared much about his job security.

Lorne went to the trash bin and spit out the cum, and wiped his mouth with a spent towel. Then he went to the mirror and started combing his hair.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sheppard asked coyly, directing the question more toward Lorne's crotch than his face. He wondered what it would be like to suck that cock.

"Gearing up," Lorne said tersely, pulling on a fresh t-shirt. "Got a mission leaving within the hour."

Sheppard's face fell. He knew that—that was why he'd rushed here to have this talk. Once Lorne had offered a blow job, it was hard to think about anything else. Suddenly embarrassed, Sheppard broke into laughter again, burying his face in the pillow. "Guess I'll owe you one."

"I'm not keeping score," Lorne said with a smile. Then they laughed together.

-ooo-

Sheppard never got around to owing Lorne one. It wasn't for lack of trying. Their sparring matches were as sexy as ever, and whenever Sheppard pulled Lorne aside with a powerful itch, Lorne inevitably found some way to get Sheppard's cock in his mouth first. It was never more than fifteen minutes start to finish, and then Lorne would run off with some excuse or other. Sheppard wanted so desperately to bring Lorne off and watch him come, but he couldn't figure out how to say it.

It was always fun, though. Amazing. Spectacular.

But too one-sided. It seemed once a day now, Sheppard would try to blow Lorne and end up getting blown himself. Maybe Lorne could sense his inexperience, or didn't trust him to make it good. Sheppard had found a few old Cosmo magazines mixed in with Atlantis's imports, and he was trying to read up and get ideas. All he'd really learned was that some people were incredibly willing to over share.

They were just finishing a briefing, and Sheppard had spent most of it figuring out how to order Lorne to come in his mouth. Lorne, for his part, looked completely professional, not laughing at any of their private jokes while in public. Lorne was definitely more experienced in these kinds of covert sexual relationships. After the briefing, they had a full two hours before they had to gear up, so Sheppard knew that even if he failed to suck Lorne off first, he'd have time to recover and go second.

As soon as the briefing ended, Sheppard caught Lorne's eye and raised an eyebrow. Lorne smirked and tipped his head to the left. That was all the signal they needed. They would meet at his place as soon as they managed to separate from their respective crowds. John had the code for Lorne's lock so he wouldn't be waiting suspiciously outside the man's quarters.

Blowing off Teyla and Ronan with an incredibly lame excuse, John charged to Lorne's quarters, let himself in, and started looking for a place to hide. Lorne's quarters were incredibly sparse. There was a bed and a chair. His only duffle was unpacked now, but only because he'd finally worn and washed everything in it once. It was like Lorne didn't trust this place—didn't believe he'd be allowed to stay. Sheppard knew that Lorne was afraid one wrong step in their little affair would get him shipped out, and he felt bad, but he never found a way to talk about it. And then, Lorne's tongue felt so good against Sheppard's cock, that Sheppard couldn't stop himself from coming here over and over.

Sheppard couldn't find a hiding spot before Lorne showed up, so Sheppard launched a sideways attack, tackling the man away from the door. He hoped no one outside had seen before the door closed. Lorne reacted with his military training first, and Sheppard took an elbow to the jaw.

_Shit!_ That would make a blow job harder, but Sheppard was determined. He laughed off the injury, then he heard Lorne laughing too. Sheppard dug his hands into Lorne's pants and squeezed his butt. He loved the shape and feel of those rock-hard ass cheeks in his hands, and the way Lorne pulled away from his hands so that their groins ground together instead. The wrestling became fierce grinding, their bodies arching against each other. Sheppard didn't like this position much, because it put their faces too close and opened the door for kissing. Still, it was the position from which asses were designed to be groped. They fell onto the bed, then rolled to the floor as each one fought for control of the hold.

Before Sheppard knew it, his pants were at his thighs and Lorne was going down!

"No, stop!" Sheppard cried, digging his fingers into Lorne's ass.

Lorne flinched at the pressure, and backed off, leaving Sheppard lying exposed on the floor. His eyes were clouded, like a kid who didn't know why he was in trouble. "What's wrong, baby?"

Sheppard absolutely hated when Lorne called him that, but he didn't want to spoil the mood by starting that argument again. Maybe that was simply how Lorne kept his professional and personal life separated. Sheppard sat up, and Lorne backed away even more. Sheppard could see the hard on pressing against Lorne's pants, and had to wonder how often Lorne had run out on him hard and wanting. If Sheppard wanted this, he had to be willing to say it out loud. Lorne needed to hear it.

"It's my turn to suck you," Sheppard said quietly, choking on the words. Reaching out, Sheppard stroked Lorne through his pants and smiled timidly.

Lorne's troubled face lit with a bright smile and he stood close, watching Sheppard curiously. Normally, Sheppard didn't mind faking experience in new situations, but suddenly, he felt the pressure to perform. Licking his lips, he got on his knees in front of Lorne and slowly opened the other man's pants, pulling them down to his thighs. Then he folded the elastic of the underwear down. His face had never been so close to another man's dick.

Sheppard took a deep breath and smiled triumphantly admiring the dick he'd always felt get hard in his hand but never seen up close. He cupped his hand around the shaft, memorizing the way it curved slightly downward when hard. He gave it a tentative lick on the head and shivered. The taste, the feel—it got him hard.

"Are you gonna suck it or stare at it?" Lorne challenged.

Sheppard wrinkled his nose and sneered. Petulantly, he opened wide and stuck Lorne's cock all the way into his mouth. Given that Lorne was hard, and this was his first time, Sheppard should have gone a little slower. Lorne's tip hit the back of Sheppard's throat and Sheppard gagged. Coughing and sputtering, he jerked backward. Lorne caught the back of his head, keeping him from falling off his knees. Lorne was laughing, but his thumb tenderly traced the shell of Sheppard's ear like an apology. Sheppard couldn't help laughing at himself. Something about the way that Lorne gazed at him and touched him told him it was okay to do stupid things like gag on a cock.

"I'm not really practiced, so feel free to make suggestions," Sheppard said nervously. Lorne's smile softened, but he said nothing. "This'll probably take more than ten minutes. Unless you're really horny. Even then, I—"

"You don't owe me anything," Lorne said quickly. Sheppard didn't understand why Lorne was so uncertain, but he felt relieved by the offered out. He also appreciated that Lorne didn't make a snarky comment about the gagging.

"I want to," Sheppard said, giving Lorne's dick a firm stroke. "It'll be fun."

-ooo-

Lorne didn't know if Teyla called it Eskrima, but that's what he'd always called the stick fighting that was so popular on Atlantis. He wasn't great at it, but Sheppard needed a break from their regular grappling. They were supposed to be training, and if they went hand to hand, they'd just start copping feels. There was still something erotic about the clashing of weapons and the hard wood in his hands.

When Sheppard wasn't avoiding eye contact, he was leering. It had been a few weeks since they'd hooked up. Their schedules had been crazy, and it wasn't like either of them had been looking for a routine fuck buddy. They had their fun, but if Lorne wanted less fighting and more kissing, he'd have to find someone else.

Today, the fighting would do. Lorne hadn't been on a mission in over a week, and he had a lot of pent up energy. He'd sweated through his shirt and the sticks were starting to slip in his hands every time Sheppard made contact. It was seductive, watching Sheppard turn and strike, throwing himself off balance because he let his arms fly behind him in the turns.

Lorne dropped his stick and Sheppard raised his hand to strike, predictably swinging wide. Catching him off balance, Lorne grabbed Sheppard's wrist and threw the man down on the mat.

"Are you as hard as I am?" Lorne asked, putting his boot lightly over Sheppard's crotch.

"Let's take this some place where we don't need pants," Sheppard panted, squirming to get pressure on his cock.

With a leer, Lorne picked up the sticks and put them away. Sheppard grabbed a towel and wiped their sweat off the mats. They cleaned the room quickly and hurried to Sheppard's quarters, utterly failing to look casual.

As soon as the door closed, John attacked him. He was rough and pushy, digging his hands under Lorne's clothes, and wrestling him toward the bed. Rather than fight back, Lorne stripped, opting for full nudity. Sheppard never got his clothes off, and Lorne was starting to realize it wasn't about impatience—Sheppard simply didn't want to share his whole body at once.

At the last second, Lorne grabbed Sheppard and threw him on the bed, hopping on top. He pinned Sheppard's hands over his head, then bit one of Sheppard's nipples through the shirt that he refused to take off. Sheppard cried out, but he always laughed at the feel, which was the only reason Lorne kept doing it. Everything about sex seemed to delight and surprise the man. His shirt tasted like sweat and fabric softener and his body arched instinctively toward Lorne's lips. Sheppard wrestled to free his arms, but he never fought hard when Lorne was doing something he really liked.

They rolled, falling hard on the floor, and Lorne lost the upper hand. John face-planted in Lorne's crotch, letting Lorne's half-hard cock rub his stubbly cheeks while his tongue flicked against Lorne's balls.

"I'll finish you in ten minutes," Sheppard growled.

"I'll finish you in five," Lorne retorted, hooking his arm around Sheppard's hips and pulling him into a sixty-nine position. Lorne's toes were already curling at the way John's tongue masterfully swiveled up and down his shaft. When Sheppard's mouth was stuffed with cock, he hummed instead of laughed, and the feel of it sent shivers through Lorne's body. It was too hard to concentrate, and Lorne didn't care about winning. The blow job battle lasted only eight minutes, and the orgasm that shot through Lorne's body was such an incredible release that he was seeing stars. John laughed in delight at his victory, but the laughter dissolved into unmanly giggles was he came in Lorne's mouth a few seconds later.

The sound tickled Lorne's insides, and he choked on laughter and cum. All the energy he'd been storing up the last few days was gone and all the wanted was a long nap.

"That was fun," John said, yanking up his pants and leaning against the bed.

"If I pass out here, I'm not going to wake up with shit drawn on me, am I?" Lorne asked tiredly, his head lolling against Sheppard's thigh. The aftermath of sex was always weird for him, and he wanted to leave quickly, but today he was so tired. He felt cold, naked, and exposed.

Sheppard laughed and brushed the backs of his knuckles tenderly against Lorne's cheek. Lorne was surprised, but grateful for the contact, and he nuzzled Sheppard's hand.

"Am I?" Lorne asked anxiously.

"No," Sheppard assured. He pulled the blanket off the bed and threw it over Lorne.

"Still no kisses?" Lorne asked.

"Nope."

"Just checking." Lorne sighed and closed his eyes, pressing his cheek to Sheppard's palm. Not kissing was supposed to make casual sex easier, but it only made it confusing. He felt Sheppard's thumb brush over his cheek and he smiled lightly. Sheppard's hands usually went straight for Lorne's cock, but his eyes were always on Lorne's face. Sheppard liked to see Lorne smile, and that was sweeter than any kiss.

-ooo-


	3. In the Mood

PART III: In the Mood

It had been almost two months. Sheppard had been stubbornly waiting for Lorne to come to him, but it was becoming increasingly clear that that was never going to happen. Sheppard told himself that it was a battle of wills, but he had the tiniest bit of insecurity creeping at the corners of his mind. Maybe Lorne thought it was too complicated screwing around with a CO. Maybe he wasn't satisfied with Sheppard.

"Are you bored with me?" Sheppard demanded, barging into Lorne's quarters. Given the fact that Sheppard hadn't been invited over, he probably should have knocked before keying in the code for the door lock. What if Lorne had been with someone else?

Lorne was sitting cross-legged on the bed, holding a pencil and a sketch book. He was staring out the window, and the sketchbook page was completely blank. He looked surprised at the intrusion, but didn't get up.

"Word from Earth," he said, his gaze falling to a tablet on the bed. The screen was black, and the standby light was blinking. "My cousin's getting married."

"That hasn't stopped you from doing anything else," Sheppard said, crossing his arms obstinately. Come to think of it, it had been awhile since he'd seen Lorne outside of a mandatory training session or a mission briefing.

Lorne didn't answer. He stared blankly, his eyes a million miles away, and wistful. A few times, his lips would part, like he wanted to speak, but didn't know what to say. Sheppard wondered how close Lorne was with this particular cousin, and if he was frustrated about being stuck out here. Missing major family events was a hazard of working in another galaxy.

"Are you telling me because you want leave, or because you want me to go as your date?" Sheppard joked, sitting at the foot of the bed, trying to provoke a smile.

"Just saying I'm preoccupied," Lorne said, looking back at his sketch book. He brought his pencil up like he was about to draw, but he didn't make a mark. "Family shit. It kinda puts me out of the mood for sex."

Sheppard didn't want to hear about family shit, but it bothered him that Lorne was upset. He tapped his foot, trying to figure out a tactful way to say 'maybe a blow job would make you feel better.'

"How about running?" Sheppard asked. When they ran together, they usually ran until they found an empty part of the city and they gave each other hand jobs.

"Did that all morning," Lorne said.

"Swimming?" Sheppard tried. The last time they'd gone swimming, they'd ended up water wrestling and jerking each other in the ocean.

Lorne laughed, his eyes twinkling and meeting Sheppard's. It was the smile that made Sheppard feel connected to Lorne and warm all over. It was too brief, though. Lorne's face clouded with sadness, and he looked at his blank sketch book again. "I'm not really good company right now."

"I'm not looking for good company. I'm looking for _your_ company," Sheppard said, crawling to the head of the bed and taking the sketchbook away from Lorne. He sat on Lorne's lap and then snaked his arms around Lorne's shoulders, leaning in until their foreheads were touching. "We could watch a football game."

Lorne smiled again, shaking his head, resting his hands on Sheppard's ass, and then sighing contentedly. "Okay."

-ooo-

Sheppard was trying to be sensitive on account of the family shit that Lorne wouldn't talk about, but he had a powerful itch, and it had been way too long. He needed to suck cock—he'd dreamed about it last night. It was strange how much his world—his perception of physical lust—had changed since he'd been with Lorne. He'd always loved women, and men were just pretty from a distance. Now he had a man up close that he could see, touch, and explore… if ever Lorne got back in the mood.

"Good news," Sheppard said, letting himself into Lorne's quarters without knocking. "There's a Daedalus run in two weeks that will get you home just in time for the wedding."

"I saw," Lorne said. He sat by his window, curled up in his too-small chair, staring out at the water. Whenever Sheppard knew he was leaving Atlantis, he'd do the same thing—stand by the water and admire the view.

"Major Trippett is heading to Earth with you," Sheppard said, trying to liven the conversation and failing. This wasn't even shop talk; it was administrative bullshit. One day, he'd get over himself and just order Lorne to strip and prepare to get blown. One day.

"We planned it that way," Lorne said quietly.

_We?_ Were they a couple? Sheppard's insecurities welled, and he started to worry that his blow jobs were so bad, he'd driven Lorne back to women.

"For your cousin's wedding?" Sheppard asked.

Lorne shifted in his chair and pulled the sides of his t-shirt, like he was trying to close a robe. "My parents know her. They've been asking about her since I took her to my sister's wedding."

Sheppard exhaled and plopped on the bed. Why was he jealous? He and Lorne weren't together. Hell, if they were, Sheppard surely would have kissed him by now to let him know. Maybe.

"They'd have liked me too. I'm very charming," Sheppard teased. Lorne shot him a look and Sheppard backed down. "Yeah, I wouldn't take you to a family gathering either," he mumbled. He could imagine them both getting shot for something like that, and he got shot at enough by the Wraith. "Still out of the mood for sex?"

Lorne looked at his knees. "Right now, I just want someone to kiss me and hold me and tell me this is not a huge mistake—going home."

_And you don't like kissing._ Lorne didn't say it, but Sheppard heard the message loud and clear. He swallowed hard, fighting with himself. He'd had the argument in his head a hundred times. Lorne's invitation had been for casual sex, and that's what they had. If they had a "relationship," they'd be violating military protocol. It was never supposed to be anything; only now Sheppard found he liked Lorne a lot more than he was willing to admit.

_Kiss me. Hold me._ Lorne expressed his needs so rarely that Sheppard knew he'd never get those words out of his head. And he'd never have sex with Lorne again if he wasn't willing to bend just a little. It wasn't like he'd asked for tongue-fucking tonsil hockey.

Nervously, Sheppard crossed the room and stood behind Lorne's chair. He put a hand on Lorne's shoulder, and Lorne looked at the hand sadly. It wasn't enough. Leaning over, Sheppard wrapped his arms around Lorne's shoulders and kissed his cheek.

"This is not a huge mistake," Sheppard assured, pressing his cheek against Lorne's. "This is not a little mistake. This is not a mistake at all."

Lorne's hands hooked over his and he sighed audibly. Closing his eyes, he relaxed into Sheppard's arms, accepting the comfort of the embrace. "You're just saying that so I'll fuck you."

Sheppard smiled and tickled Lorne's chin. "We haven't done that before."

The notion of anal sex filled Sheppard's stomach with butterflies. He'd been wondering for awhile now if that was something Lorne might be into. Of course, all the times he'd thought about it, he hadn't give much thought to being on the bottom.

"I guess we haven't," Lorne said, pulling Sheppard into his lap. Sheppard straddled the chair, his legs draping awkwardly over the arms, his groin pressed to Lorne's chest. It was nice to be touched, and Sheppard needed it badly. Sheppard groaned, his body molding to Lorne's as Lorne's hands wandered over his shirt.

"Wanna?" Lorne asked.

"If you're in the mood for it," John said, grinning devilishly, though his face was buried in Lorne's neck. He felt his ears get hot. He couldn't believe he was agreeing to this. Fervently, he rubbed against Lorne's torso, convincing himself that this was not a huge mistake, or a little mistake, or a mistake at all. He knew he wanted to try it at least once in his life, and if he trusted anyone to make it good, it was Lorne.

-ooo-

Lorne groaned and relaxed, burying himself in Sheppard's scent, letting it wash away the past. The only reason he'd submitted the leave request was to save face; he never expected to have that leave granted. He was stressing out and losing sleep. And somehow, when he held on to Sheppard, all that went away.

"You're bringing me up," Lorne said, tilting his hips so that groin rubbed against Sheppard's. "But if you mean it, I need you to say it. Tell me you want me to fuck you."

Sheppard lifted his head off Lorne's shoulder. His cheeks were burning red. "I want you to."

"Say it," Lorne ordered, looking him squarely in the eye, trying to show him that this part wasn't a tease. Lorne didn't dare cross that kind of boundary without express invitation. Sheppard squirmed uncomfortably.

"Doesn't have to be loud, baby, it just has to be clear," Lorne said, keeping his stance neutral. "Implied permission doesn't count for this."

Sheppard nodded, but still said nothing. Lorne rubbed Sheppard's sides soothingly and averted his eyes. He waited. Nothing.

"There's plenty that don't like it or don't want it," Lorne offered, his hands stilling nervously at Sheppard's prolonged silence. "No shame if you don't—"

"Major," Sheppard interrupted snidely. "Get your dick hard and fuck my ass."

"Yes, sir," Lorne said, laughing as much from relief as the crassness. Sheppard always did prefer orders. Before Lorne could stop himself, he pulled Sheppard into a fierce kiss. Sheppard obliged him briefly, then shuddered and jerked away, looking unhappy, but too horny to care.

"You're a weird man," Lorne laughed, taking no offense. His hand snaked down the back of Sheppard's pants and he slid a testing finger down Sheppard's crack.

"You like that about me," Sheppard said, rolling his hips against Lorne's probing finger, looking thoughtful and curious.

"You're too cute when you're nervous," Lorne grinned.

Sheppard stopped moving. "I'm never cute."

"Yes, sir," Lorne said teasingly, a lusty growl in his voice. He rubbed his finger over Sheppard's hole, then added some pressure. Sheppard stopped and started, like he was expecting Lorne to do more than tease. Lorne felt Sheppard's muscles rippling, and his hole clenching and unclenching. He tried to time it to push his finger in, but never seemed to get it right. Without kissing, he didn't know how to manipulate Sheppard's rhythms properly.

Running one hand up Sheppard's spine and continuing through his hair, Lorne pulled their faces close. Then Sheppard wrapped his arms around Lorne's neck, and nibbled lightly on Lorne's ear. The feel of it made Lorne laugh. His finger circled Sheppard's hole again.

"Geez, Sheppard. How do you even shit out of a hole this tight?" Lorne teased.

Sheppard's ears turned burned. He grabbed Lorne's wrist and held it firmly to his backside. "Just push it in—"

"Hey!" Lorne snapped, jerking his hand free and dumping Sheppard off his lap. They both jumped out of the chair, staring off. Lorne balled his fingers into fists, mentally wiping off the blood he could already picture coating his hands. He knew exactly how much pressure it took to break skin, and he would never do it on purpose. The mere thought was a turnoff. "I'm not gonna break you."

"Right," Sheppard said, fiddling with the belt on his sagging pants. "Thanks, I don't know why I did that. I'm sure you know what you're doing."

He was so nervous, and it was insanely endearing. Lorne smiled forgivingly. "How about this: I get my dick hard, and when you're ready, you can sit on it."

"No," Sheppard said adamantly, stamping his foot. The way his jaw tightened, Lorne could tell he was trying to talk plainly about sex. "No, I'm gonna suck your dick hard and you're gonna finger my hole."

Lorne's jaw dropped, and he stared, entranced by Sheppard's lips, wanting to kiss. By the time he forced that urge down, he was doubling over with laughter.

"That sounds so dirty coming out of your mouth," he guffawed, pulling Sheppard into a headlock and using Sheppard's pants to yank him off balance. "Baby, let's get your pants off already."

"All the way?" Sheppard asked nervously.

"All the way."

"I have to?"

"Stop being so weird about everything," Lorne crooned, pulling Sheppard around so they were pressed front to back. He ran his hands over Sheppard's chest and thighs soothingly, and whispered hotly in his ear. "We're just having fun, Sheppard. There's nothing that's going to happen tonight that you don't want—that you won't ask me to do over and over again."

-ooo-

_It's like he knows_ _exactly what I need to hear_. Sheppard melted against Lorne and closed his eyes. Then Lorne flicked his tongue over Sheppard's ear and Sheppard shivered.

"I like that," Sheppard moaned, relaxing in Lorne's arms, humming with pleasure as Lorne continued to lick and suck his ear. Balancing on one foot, Sheppard shed his boots, doing his best not to disturb Lorne's tongue work. Lorne kissed across the back of his neck, and Sheppard muffled a very manly squeal of pleasure. "I love your tongue."

Somehow, they made it to the bed without their pants. Sheppard sat on Lorne's chest, giving the best blow job he could manage. Lorne's hands were on his hips, masterfully circling his fingers over Sheppard's ass. His tongue swept across Sheppard's hole and Sheppard tensed, then groaned with pleasure. He loved the feel of Lorne's tongue on his skin—everywhere on his skin. His body was turning to jelly with every swipe. Lorne's tongue circled and pressed. Sheppard wanted to open his body to it, and as soon as he figured out how, he rolled his hips back, trying to get that tongue inside of him.

Suddenly, he felt a finger slip inside.

"Shit," he whispered, burying his face in Lorne's thigh. His body clenched. Then he felt Lorne's tongue licking at his entrance, and his body relaxed again. The finger slid deeper, hitting his prostate, igniting an insane new pleasure.

Sheppard looked over his shoulder at Lorne, smiled, and bit his lip. If he thought too much about what was going on, he'd be embarrassed as hell, but for now, they could laugh triumphantly together. Rocking back and forth, Sheppard fucked himself on Lorne's finger, feeling his cock getting harder and harder. Then he felt a second finger.

"Sneaky bastard," Sheppard snarked, stilling his hips. It was harder to adjust to two fingers. His ass was tight, and it hurt. Lorne's fingers were rough inside of him, and when he scissored them, Sheppard couldn't breathe.

"Still good?" Lorne asked, kissing penitently over Sheppard's butt cheeks.

"Fuck, yeah," Sheppard said, though he was still trying to convince himself. Every time he felt Lorne's fingers rub hook just a little to the left, Sheppard thought he was having a tiny orgasm.

Lorne raised his hips, grinding against Sheppard and Sheppard started stroking his cock, chastising himself for being neglectful. It was hard to concentrate on anything but the fingers in his ass, but now he needed the distraction. Taking a deep breath, he focused on Lorne's cock, getting it hard in his hands and his mouth, fighting the urge to make Lorne come on his face. It always amazed Sheppard that he didn't mind getting Lorne's jizz on his skin.

"Enough playing. Get in me," Sheppard ordered, crawling onto his stomach and sticking his ass in the air. The mattress shifted as Lorne knelt behind him. Their thighs brushed and then Lorne pressed his rock hard cock into Sheppard's crack and rubbed. The heat consumed them. Then Sheppard felt the tip of Lorne's cock pressed to his hole. He groaned at the penetration, burying his face in the pillow, yelling obscenities at the top of his voice. This better be good; it fucking hurt!

-ooo-

Lorne pressed into Sheppard slowly. He'd never been inside anyone so tight. It was scary as hell and he wished he had a condom and some lube to smooth the ride. He wasn't sure if Sheppard was doing it on purpose or not—getting just loose enough to suck Lorne's cock in another inch, then clenching around it. The pleasure was intense.

Once he was fully inside, he took a moment to close his eyes and enjoy the feel. He rolled his hips gently, inciting another string of swears from Sheppard. Sheppard had sweated through his shirt. Lorne reached under, running soothing strokes up and down Sheppard's back. Leaning forward, he licked the back of Sheppard's neck, and sucked his earlobe, trying to draw Sheppard's face around so the man could take in some oxygen.

"Sheppard," Lorne whispered. Sheppard didn't move. His body was rigid, and he wouldn't stop swearing into the pillow. "Sheppard?"

Lorne pulled out and checked for blood. Something didn't seem right. He rubbed Sheppard's shoulders worriedly.

"Hey, John?" he said quietly.

The swearing stopped and a few seconds later, Sheppard looked back, his eyes glazed and confused.

"Are you hurt?" Lorne asked. "You're shutting me out."

"Get the fuck back in there!" Sheppard yelled.

Lorne gave him a doubtful look. He'd do this for pleasure, but not for pride.

Sheppard squeezed Lorne's hand and gave an arrogant smirk. "Told you I was tight. Feels good, right?"

"Yeah, it does," Lorne said, smiling weakly. He squeezed Sheppard's hand, taking comfort in the connection. Not letting go of Sheppard's hand, Lorne gave Sheppard's ass a few more licks before spitting and pushing in. Sheppard's body flattened on the bed and Lorne's body coated him like a blanket. Lorne had needed this for so long, and he'd been afraid to ask for it. A part of him knew he was only a convenience for Sheppard—that was why they could never kiss. It didn't stop him from wanting things he shouldn't.

Sheppard laced his fingers through Lorne's pulling Lorne down on top of him. Lorne rubbed his lips along Sheppard's exposed skin, dragging his tongue up Sheppard's neck and around the shell of his ear. Sheppard turned his face and lifted his chin, and Lorne followed the lead, kissing along the jaw line. When their lips touched, Sheppard pulled away, but then he came back, like he needed the intimacy too.

As Lorne's thrusts went deeper, breathing took precedence over kissing. They rested their cheeks together, their prickly stubble catching and sliding as they panted in rhythm. Lorne could feel the sweat beading off of Sheppard's face as the rhythm drove them both wild. Sheppard was murmuring swears, whimpering at time, but then he'd say 'yes, yes, yes' and Lorne knew to keep going.

Suddenly, Sheppard's toes curled and he tensed and froze, burying his face in the pillow again, but going silent.

Lorne paused too. His whole body was throbbing, he was so close to coming. Wrapping his arm around Sheppard's waist, he rolled them onto their sides, then he pulled Sheppard's legs open, locking one behind his thigh. Sheppard gasped at the new position. He arched his hips away from Lorne and clenched his ass cheeks tight around Lorne's tip.

Gasping with pleasure, Lorne reached around and grabbed Sheppard's dick, stroking hard, making him groan.

"That's so good," Sheppard murmured, thrusting back and forth between Lorne's hand and cock. "Faster."

Lorne jacked him faster. He was getting lost in the feel—tightness, hardness. He couldn't hold on any longer. There was pleasure everywhere.

Pulling out quickly, Lorne threw Sheppard onto his back, and stood on his knees.

"I'm coming," he whispered, jacking himself rapidly. It only took a few seconds, and then he was coming on Sheppard's thigh. Lorne choked on the sounds, shuddering at the intensity of the orgasm. Sheppard stared at him, licking his lips lustily, running his fingers through the cum on his thigh. Then he raised an eyebrow and nodded toward his own throbbing dick.

Chuckling with delight, Lorne laid between Sheppard's legs. He slid a finger into Sheppard's ass, teasing the sweet spot that made Sheppard squeal every time. Sucking Sheppard's balls into his mouth, Lorne continued to tease with his finger, and he jacked Sheppard hard and fast. After all the screaming and swearing, the sweet, breathy moans coming out of Sheppard were refreshing. Sheppard's orgasm was like a hoarse, grunted sigh of relief, and afterward, he kept running his hand through the cum, mixing his with Lorne's.

Lorne found a towel and wiped Sheppard clean, kissing over his pelvis. Sheppard didn't seem to mind Lorne kissing things that weren't his lips. Lorne grinned and licked over the area, but Sheppard turned his head, pretending to be tired. Maybe he was tired. Lorne was beat, but he didn't figure cuddling was permitted in casual sex.

"That was new," Sheppard panted, pulling up Lorne's bedspread and covering himself.

"And fun?" Lorne asked, busily looking for his pants, not wanting to crowd Sheppard on the bed. It was always fun, casual, and awkward after.

"Yeah," Sheppard murmured, already falling asleep on Lorne's bed.

-ooo-


	4. Don't Call Me Baby

PART IV: Don't Call Me Baby

Sheppard was pacing up and down the hall. It had been two weeks since he'd had sex with Lorne. He'd been avoiding Lorne for two solid weeks. At first, it was simple confusion—the mix of pleasure and pain was fucking confusing, because pain reminded him of the Wraith and the war and his shitty past. His ass was sore, but he couldn't very well go to Beckett and say why. So he'd sparred with Ronan, sprained his wrist, and gotten treated for that instead.

He wasn't ready to talk, but Lorne was leaving for Earth tomorrow, and it'd be months before the Daedalus brought him back—if he came back at all. Lorne would let him go—no strings, no shame. That was the way Lorne was. And Sheppard was falling hard for that sweet smile and gentle heart.

Keying the code to unlock Lorne's door, Sheppard let himself in. He took a deep breath, but couldn't seem to get out any words. Evan was packing like he was getting ready to leave forever. The man hardly owned anything, so it didn't take much for this space to feel empty.

"Hey," Sheppard said nervously.

"Hey," Lorne said, smiling like nothing was wrong. Apparently Lorne was more accustomed to these casual, once in a blue moon trysts.

"I've been avoiding you," Sheppard blurted out.

"I noticed," Lorne said, folding his clothes demurely and packing them into his duffle. "Should I arrange a transfer back to Earth while I'm there?"

Sheppard flinched. "What if I get an itch?"

"What if," Lorne repeated emotionlessly. He was trying not to make this hard, but it hurt like hell.

"You know, if you ever get an itch, you can come to me too," Sheppard said, coming to stand next to him. He raised his hand, but didn't know where to put it. Friendship and casual sex didn't mix in his mind; the boundaries were too confusing.

"Yes, sir."

The disconnected look on Lorne's face was pissing Sheppard off and he couldn't think of anything else nice to say. So he spanked Lorne on the butt and spun him around, pinning their bodies together, and giving Lorne's crotch a rough grope. Lorne fought the hold, anger and emotion surging. Maybe it was the family shit that had him on edge. Lorne swung his fist, but the blind anger behind it made it easy for Sheppard to duck. Sheppard was ready to drop the sex and let it be a fight to blow off steam, but then Lorne dug a hand into Sheppard's pants, grabbed his dick, and held on.

Sheppard froze, bracing his body against Lorne's, not wanting his favorite part ripped off. Lorne's grip was tight and vicious, his eyes flashing maliciously. Craning his neck to meet Lorne's eye, Sheppard made a face, speaking without words, offering Lorne an apology. Lorne cocked his head, but his grip loosened and he gave Sheppard's cock a few firm strokes.

"Want me to suck you or fuck you?" he asked, still edgy.

"Whatever you want," Sheppard leered, pulling Lorne's hand out of his pants so the other man would know that nothing was required. "Whatever you think you can get."

Tension rippled through Lorne's body as he considered his options. Moment by moment, the anger and angst was shelved until all Sheppard saw was the emotionless drone that had pissed him off in the first place. Then that façade faded through confusion, vulnerability, and finally intrigue. Finally, Lorne broke into a wide, wholehearted grin and Sheppard's heart leapt with joy.

"I want you to beat eight minutes," Lorne smiled, dodging out of the way as Sheppard immediately launched into an attack.

Sheppard was glad it was just a blow job; he wasn't ready to fuck again. And he was glad to see Lorne laughing and enjoying himself. They wound up rolling on the floor, pants at their thighs, trying not to gag on each other's cocks, but neither could seem to resist triggering each other's sweet spots. Sheppard loved it, and he couldn't believe that he loved it. He shouldn't care about this man as much as he did, and he was starting to want things.

"Will you ride a Ferris wheel for me," he asked suddenly, the words muffled by Lorne's cock still half filling his mouth. "When you go to Earth?"

Lorne paused, looking between their bodies, tapping Sheppard's dick thoughtfully on his chin. "If I can find one," he said, sounding confused.

"And I need tapes of all the latest football games," Sheppard continued. He'd ask any other friend to bring those back for him, and Lorne was his friend now. "Oh, and popcorn."

"Sure thing, baby," Lorne laughed, patting him on the ass. "We should finish up. Trippett's coming by sometime soon to coordinate our departure."

John sat up and curled over so that his face was near Lorne's. He squeezed Lorne's hand and rested cheek to cheek.

"Don't call me baby," he whispered threateningly in Lorne's ear.

Lorne laughed at him again, pulling him into a bear hug tackle, and giving his nipples a tweak. Their cocks wagged in the air, clashing as they wrestled, and Sheppard could not stop laughing. He was so glad he'd taken a risk and let himself close to this man.

-ooo-

It had been fifty-one days since Lorne had left for Earth. Sheppard hadn't meant to count them, but the fact that Lorne hadn't come out of his quarters in three days since his return left Sheppard a lot of time to consult his calendar. Theoretically, Lorne should have been back in the swing of things on day forty-nine, and Sheppard had expected some quality fucking to happen on day fifty. But Lorne had circumvented him and gotten Weir to take him off active duty for who knew how long.

It wasn't just about the lack of quality fucking. Lorne was his friend. Or he would be if Sheppard ever found the time and the courage to make it happen. So he took a cold shower and headed to Lorne's quarters, ready to kiss him and hold him, and apologize for not warning him that going home might be a huge mistake.

His hand was poised to key in the lock code, but he rang the chime instead. It was always good to be polite. Lorne answered wearing civilian clothes, and he stood straighter when he saw Sheppard there.

"Sir?"

All the friendly opening lines Sheppard had come up with on the way here suddenly fled. He searched for something—anything to say. "There's a mission next week. I'd like your team on it."

"Yes, sir," Lorne said, not expressing any of his characteristic excitement or curiosity about the world. The mission wasn't made up. Sheppard had been arguing with Weir just that morning that Lorne's team should go, since they'd made first contact on the planet in question. That was how he'd found out about Lorne being off active duty.

"Briefing for it tomorrow," Sheppard said. "Will you be back on duty by them."

Lorne shrugged. It was subtle—the way he slowly brought himself to attention. Irritated by the distance in his expression, Sheppard stalked into the room, letting the door close behind him.

"How was the wedding?" he asked, sitting in the chair by the window, turning it to face the inside of the room.

Lorne's lips parted and he stared at Sheppard. The cool, unaffected aura broke and he sat on the bed, hugging his knees to his chest.

"Didn't go," Lorne finally said, his body wilting with self-disappointment. "Made it to the door and—"

"Family shit?" Sheppard finished. "Damn. I really wanted to fuck."

Lorne huffed a laugh, burying his smile against his knee. Sheppard laughed too. He hadn't meant to say that, and he certainly hadn't meant it to come across so insensitively. The cold shower was wearing off, and Lorne's smile was alluring. Coming to sit behind Lorne on the bed, Sheppard snaked his arms around Lorne's shoulders and licked his earlobe. Lorne laughed again, tilting his face toward Sheppard's tongue.

"How do you do that?" Lorne asked, releasing his legs and relaxing into Sheppard's arms. "You make me forget it all. When there's only you, I can laugh again."

Sheppard hummed against Lorne's skin, feeling a warmth in his belly, growing with the smile on Lorne's face. "I only want one thing from you. I think you find my single-mindedness endearing."

"That I do," Lorne said, laughing again. He sighed as Sheppard kissed down his neck, but then he stood up and walked away. Sheppard was a little disappointed, but he hadn't come here for sex, so he bit his tongue.

"I have some things for you," Lorne said, pulling a stack of pictures from his duffle.

"I'm guessing those aren't wedding pictures," Sheppard said. "Damn, I really wanted to see you dressed up."

Lorne smiled and sat on the bed, nestling into Sheppard's arms again. Sheppard hooked a chin over Lorne's shoulder so they were resting cheek to cheek and they could both see the pictures. It was nice, feeling their bodies pressed together, not worried about being pulled into a headlock or getting roughed up.

"This is a Ferris wheel I found," Lorne said, showing him the first picture. It was a pretty standard wheel, with cylinder seats in every color of the rainbow. Sheppard liked those kinds for the panoramic views.

"And this is me on the Ferris wheel," Lorne said, showing the next picture. It was a crotch shot. Sheppard chuckled and slid his hand over Lorne's belly, forcing himself not to go below the belt.

"This is the popcorn guy," Lorne continued, ignoring Sheppard's wandering hand. "And this is the crate of popcorn being loaded onto the Daedalus."

The crate was huge, and Sheppard got excited by the thought of popcorn and movie nights. Lorne stood again, going back to his suitcase and puttering. Sheppard wondered if the hand was too much, but then Lorne pulled out a giant, clear, plastic bag full of popcorn.

"This is your private stash," he announced. "I hope it hasn't gone stale. I popped it right before I left. Then I have…" he pulled out some video tapes; "every football game so far from this season, all of last season, and a decade highlights. And because our library seemed to be missing this one: The Indiana Jones Trilogy."

Sheppard put his hand over his mouth, then over his heart. He was beyond joyous laughter. Lorne's gifts were more precious than he would ever know, mostly because Sheppard lacked the courage to tell him. Leaping off the bed, Sheppard wrapped himself around Lorne, forcing himself to hug and not hump his friend.

Lorne had no such qualms. He crushed their bodies together, grinding hard, letting the tapes spill onto the floor as he pinned Sheppard to the wall.

"I missed you, baby," Lorne said with a grin, reaching for the buckle on Sheppard's pants.

Sheppard smiled back, snapping their hips together so that Lorne could feel how much he'd missed him. "Don't call me baby."

-ooo-


End file.
